Words n Shit

I Didn’t Mean To

It was a mistake.

I didn’t mean to do it like that.

I wasn’t even trying that hard.

What do i do now,

afraid to go in;

have it looked at by medical teams.

Them making their assumptions,

and most likely wanting to keep me there.

I won’t do it again,

at least not like that…

I didn’t mean to.

It was a mistake.

Don’t keep me in there.

I can’t do that here.

— 2 days ago with 2 notes
#i didn't mean to  #poem  #mistake  #i'm sorry  #cutting  #self harm  #afraid 
Easy

It’s an easy fix now.

Cheap at a place.

Numb the pain

that you can’t feel is there,

but you know something is wrong.

A sensation that’s deep.

Not knowing where it ends,

when it ends,

if it ends…

Just don’t think about it.

Don’t dwell on it more.

Numb the pain.

Drown it out.

— 2 days ago with 1 note
#easy  #poem  #alcohol  #pain  #numb  #drown it  #something's wrong 
Black Out

It’s mostly a blur,

of what happened that night.

I have to say i’m sorry to at least one person;

except i feel too ashamed to face her…

I made myself look like a fool

at least two others saw me,

at least that’s what i know for sure.

I need to take a break.

No more bottles for a while.

One glass,

after work;

to take a little of the edge off.

Something strong,

beer simply won’t do.

I’ll figure this out.

One day at a time. 

— 2 days ago with 1 note
#drunk  #drinking  #poem  #drinks  #black out  #ashamed  #that night  #bottles  #something strong 

Ashamed.

Ashamed to show my face,

to see theirs. 

No one wants to see me for a while.

Alone i will sit.

Punishing myself

for my own stupid doing.

Ashamed

distraught

alone

and self loathing.

— 3 days ago with 11 notes
#self loathing  #poem  #alone  #punishing myself  #my fault  #distraught  #ashamed 
Holes

One mistake after another.

Will i succeed?

Or will i fall into another hole?

Each step

i’m blind to the future.

I can’t say anything will happen for sure,

but i can try to watch my steps.

I’ve been leaded into so many holes,

that takes me forever to get out of.

I don’t feel like moving anymore.

The ground moves beneath us.

I’m sure it will move me to a better place,

at least I’m hoping it will…

If it doesn’t

then it’s just my own fault.

Just like it always is. 

— 3 days ago with 1 note
#holes  #poem  #failure  #my own fault  #lost 
Resists

These urges to slice me,

come all the time.

Resist i do

but sometimes it’s so hard.

The urge to pick

until it runs red,

pushed down and out of my mind,

or at least try.

Resist,

resist,

resist.

It’s all that can be done.

— 3 days ago with 5 notes
#cutting  #self harm  #poem  #pick  #urges  #resist 
New Path

When all seemed lost,

and failure was ahead,

a new choice came up.

Just by a thread,

things are being held together.

Hoping that it won’t snap,

so everything would fall apart.

This new option may not be fun,

but for now,

it simply will have to do

— 3 days ago with 2 notes
#new  #path  #new path  #poem  #options  #hanging by a thread  #snapping 

Ignored like i wasn’t there.

Living a life in an invisible cloak.

No one can see the real me.

Even if they tried,

I’d just show them the fake me.

I don’t want others to worry,

but they’re bound to

because of what i may be going through.

No one will know.

Until i kill myself and others find this. 

— 4 days ago with 1 note
#poem  #suicidal  #living 

I should stay silent.

Anything i say won’t make a difference.

Same shitty situation,

just a different place.

Seattle is where the place seems to be at this point in time.

I thought things would be different.

I should have known better.

Nothing ever works out for me;

why would it now?

— 4 days ago
#poem  #same shitty situation  #sam shit  #different place  #stay silent  #nothing ever works 

Stay drunk.

You can’t handle it anyways.

All that “support”

yeah fucking right.

It was never there.

It will never stay there.

There’s always something new to take your place.

Give up now.

It will only stop the pain that’s to some.

Why did i move here?

Because someone convinced me to.

— 4 days ago
#poem  #support  #give up  #pain 

No concern on how i might be.

I’m ignored like a bit of trash on the sidewalk.

No concern,

not from anyone.

Why should i be here?

I was promised i would be happy;

yet here i am,

suicidal and losing my mind.

What kind of life is this?

A kind of life that was made up by someone else.

I don’t belong here.

I don’t belong anywhere.

What does that leave me with?

Nothing.

Dreams.

Hopes.

All die so long as i live on this earth.

— 4 days ago
#no once cares  #suicidal  #poem  #living  #life  #i don't belong  #someone else 
Dreams

Darkness is all around at this time.

There is no light,

no visions.

Just blackness.

These dreams you speak of

sound nice.

It’s only blackness for when my time comes.

— 3 weeks ago with 2 notes
#dreams  #poem  #i can't dream  #dream  #sleep  #blackness  #no light 
A Fuck Up

Why try to cover the fact

that i’m a fuck up?

Everyone should know.

Caution.

Beware.

Unstable.

That’s what the signs around me would say.

I try and i try,

but i’ll always

always

be a fuck up.

No hope for me;

but i’ll try to be 

what you want me to be…

— 1 month ago
#a fuck up  #i'm fucked up  #poem  #damaged  #beware  #caution  #unstable  #mental disorder 
Off The Deep End

Diving back into the deep end.

I know this won’t end well,

yet here i am,

swimming in lines.

The demons are back, 

all with such great smiles on.

I’ll welcome them in.

Besides,

it’s been

a while.

— 1 month ago with 3 notes
#off the deep end  #cocaine  #drugs  #relapse  #poem  #blow  #snow 

I can’t live in this world. 

a world where the mentally ill are defective

where the mentally ill are cast out,

where the mentally ill are all called crazies and no one wants to be around them.

This world is not open to defects no matter the kind.

This world will blame you for something you did not choose to be.

This world will judge you no matter what you do.

Why

why oh why did i have to live past 14.

it would have been so much easier to just end it then. 

No one wants to hear that truth.

the truth hurts.

but it’s true,

I shouldn’t have made it to this point,

the world wasn’t ready for me yet. 

So here i sit;

judged and casted out if found out,

in hiding for as long as i can,

no one would understand my living hell…

— 1 month ago
#the truth hurts  #poem  #mentally ill  #mental disorders  #help  #i shouldn't be alive  #i can't live in this world  #casted out  #no one wants me