Words n Shit

"Not allowed."

Says who?

What i do doesn’t concern you;

your concern is your own doing.

I’m sorry if i can’t fully take your feelings into consideration,

but my doing is my own doing.

I will own up to the consequences.

I’ll suffer as much as i want. 

— 1 day ago with 1 note
#not allowed  #says who  #poem  #my own doing  #suffer  #your feelings  #i'm sorry 

Too afraid to leave the room,

so much noise,

so much talking.

It’s not real,

but it is.

Too afraid to stand near the window,

are they watching me from there?

They know my every action.

Am i being watched?

Too afraid to open up and ask for help,

they’ll all call me crazy.

But what’s real for some people

may not be real for others.

— 3 days ago with 2 notes
#poem  #paranoid  #crazy  #schizophrenia  #mental illness 

Are they real this time?

Are they actually there?

It’s hard to tell…

I’ve lost my mind,

there’s no doubt about it.

Put me away,

no one wants me here like this.

I’ll be

kicked to the curb

without a single word.

Away i will go,

but where is that?

I can’t see the future

but can tell that it’s bad,

so i

get ready for the impact,

and see if i make it or maybe i don’t.

— 3 days ago
#lost it  #poem  #Hallucinations  #schizophrenia  #mental hospital  #no one wants me  #are they real?  #snapping 

There’s that buzzing sound again.

It comes from deep inside my brain.

I can tune it out with music,

but muffling my ears,

makes them much more clear.

What torture it is,

constantly hearing something that’s not real.

They know what to say,

and how to say it,

to get me frozen in place.

— 3 days ago
#stuck  #poem  #voices  #hallucinations  #mental illnes  #schizophrenia  #torture 

anger surging through the body

stress constricts me

body taking it’s tole.

the mind needs to be soothed.

even with all the pain,

we’ll bring another bottle into the mix,

just because,

not a single fuck is given right now.

— 4 days ago with 1 note
#anger  #pain  #not a single fuck is given  #poem 

Stress can kill a person.

Make them shake,

make the hurt,

make them tense,

make them anxious,

and in the end obliterate each and every system in the body.

The pain.

Nothing can be done to stop this.

Every which direction is taken,

it’s still there,

is not worse.

It can’t be avoided.

It can’t be stopped.

It will take me down.

Stop me in my tracks.

Then one of these days

i’ll just drop dead.

— 4 days ago with 1 note
#stress  #life  #struggling  #drop dead  #painful  #anxious  #kill a person  #poem  #death 

How does one have such control over a heart not yet claimed? How can one use the other without consideration to their feelings? Questions no one can quite answer. How do you let yourself be used, and don’t take your own emotions into consideration? To let others know your weakness, is to give them permission to poke. People are too consumed with themselves to take care of other’s “silly” emotions. People will use you. People will take your pride and spirit, they’ll flush it down the drain with the rest of you as well. 

Too many times i’ve let myself get tossed. Too many times my emotions have been beaten, sometimes they don’t even realize it, and never will unless notified. Others will try to reason with you, for you protection. They’ll try to show you the real error that alludes you. I never take their advise. I should one of these days…it’s my failure, my fault, my shame. I’ll hand my head till better days. I’ll hide away and never appear. I’ll fade into the distance, i’m already so far away it seems.

I’m done with waiting. I’m done with trying. I don’t want to keep repeating these mistakes over and over and over again. I’ll stop where i am. I’ll ground my feet into the quicksand. I’ll just sink further into my failure.  

— 6 days ago with 1 note
#people  #writing  #emotions  #mistakes  #failure  #no consideration 

She hung her head, swinging back and forth on the swings, she never looked up. Tired and mentally worn, Ann hung out in a park near by. Up all night, no set bed to sleep on through the night, Ann could always feel when the blisters on her brain were forming. A sensitive mind, if up all night, starts to come unhinged. A morning(early) walk seemed to straiten her out a little, but only if she was lucky.

Off the swing she sat at a table; cold and clammy, but she sat at it regardless. Ann couldn’t think right, or at lest logically at all. It was 6.20am still and all she could think about was drinking. The stores still sell alcohol in the morning, why shouldn’t she buy herself some whiskey? She knew the answer to that already though. Ann knew very well why she shouldn’t drink besides it not even being 7am yet, but she didn’t care.

She wanted to be numb: alcohol can help that.

It was decided. Ann will drink after all. 

— 1 week ago
#Ann  #story  #blisters on my brain  #alcohol  #numb  #drinking  #short story 
Deep Breaths

Deep breaths to start the day,

try not to dwell on it for too long.

I can see you weighing yourself down,

too many heavy thoughts.

I wish i could make you well,

I wish i could make you smile,

I wish i would bring you out of this funk.

I don’t like seeing you this way.

I can see your pain and feel your stress.

Let me hold you,

let me hold you,

let me rub your back,

let me take your troubles away

to make them my own and let you resurface.

I love you.

I wish i could make that clear,

just how much you really mean to me.

Deep breathes will start the day.

— 1 week ago
#deep breaths  #peom  #i love you  #heavy thoughts  #don't dwell on it  #i care about you 

Alone i sit

Alone i am

Used to it i am

Doesn’t make it right

Music fades in the background

As it becomes darker and darker by the second

By the minute

Alone i sit. 

— 1 week ago with 1 note
#poem  #alone  #music  #darker  #alone i sit 

Not pretty

her face

she believes

no beauty

all flaws

— 1 week ago with 1 note
#poem  #self image  #ugly  #not pretty 
On The Outside

You’re going to lose it.

They’ll put you in a straight jacket

no one will accept you

for what you are.

You’ll always be on the outside

looking in.

They’re having so much fun

— 1 week ago with 1 note
#on the outside  #accept  #poem  #lose it 

A bad jolt

A bad morning brew

Tension runs high here

Even if it’s calm

There’s always a storm

— 1 week ago with 1 note
#tension  #poem  #storm  #bad jolt 

She couldn’t tell if she wanted to live or not. It was all up in the air. It could change at any given time. Will she be saved, or will this ruin her again? 

— 1 week ago
#Ann  #saved  #live  #die 
The Disorder

Listening to things unreal.

Constantly eavesdropping on it all.

IT’s always there, 

yet it’s not real at all.

Emotions being thrown

through the constant madness,

the madness of the mind.

Oh the tricks it can play, 

on one weak minded person.

What’s real?

What’s not?

Was it all leading up to this?

Why didn’t i notice it in time…

— 1 week ago with 1 note
#the disorder  #poem  #mental illness  #what's real  #schizophrenia  #hallucinations  #emotions