Words n Shit

Dreams

Darkness is all around at this time.

There is no light,

no visions.

Just blackness.

These dreams you speak of

sound nice.

It’s only blackness for when my time comes.

— 1 day ago with 2 notes
#dreams  #poem  #i can't dream  #dream  #sleep  #blackness  #no light 
A Fuck Up

Why try to cover the fact

that i’m a fuck up?

Everyone should know.

Caution.

Beware.

Unstable.

That’s what the signs around me would say.

I try and i try,

but i’ll always

always

be a fuck up.

No hope for me;

but i’ll try to be 

what you want me to be…

— 2 weeks ago
#a fuck up  #i'm fucked up  #poem  #damaged  #beware  #caution  #unstable  #mental disorder 
Off The Deep End

Diving back into the deep end.

I know this won’t end well,

yet here i am,

swimming in lines.

The demons are back, 

all with such great smiles on.

I’ll welcome them in.

Besides,

it’s been

a while.

— 2 weeks ago with 3 notes
#off the deep end  #cocaine  #drugs  #relapse  #poem  #blow  #snow 

I can’t live in this world. 

a world where the mentally ill are defective

where the mentally ill are cast out,

where the mentally ill are all called crazies and no one wants to be around them.

This world is not open to defects no matter the kind.

This world will blame you for something you did not choose to be.

This world will judge you no matter what you do.

Why

why oh why did i have to live past 14.

it would have been so much easier to just end it then. 

No one wants to hear that truth.

the truth hurts.

but it’s true,

I shouldn’t have made it to this point,

the world wasn’t ready for me yet. 

So here i sit;

judged and casted out if found out,

in hiding for as long as i can,

no one would understand my living hell…

— 2 weeks ago
#the truth hurts  #poem  #mentally ill  #mental disorders  #help  #i shouldn't be alive  #i can't live in this world  #casted out  #no one wants me 

I don’t know how to live in this life.

How does work with what’s been given?

Mentally ill.

I embrace the label,

there IS something wrong with me.

I AM crazy.

I DO hear voices.

How does one concentrate with all this noise?

Can’t even read.

Can’t focus.

Living IS hell,

I don’t need to be there;

I live it everyday.

Medication can’t touch me anymore.

Forever fucked by life.

Thanks.

At least I’m smart enough to know i’m crazy. 

— 2 weeks ago with 2 notes
#crazy  #mentally ill  #medication  #living hell  #poem 
Job Hunting

Waiting,

waiting for something to bite.

Not really laying back and relaxing,

but casting lines every chance i get…

nothing catches,

nothing snags.

What’s going to happen to me?

Only time will tell,

but what do i do until then?

How can i be useful,

if i’m not doing anything.

A waste of space.

A nothing

in a world full of people. 

— 2 weeks ago with 3 notes
#job  #job hunting  #waste of space  #poem  #a nothing  #only time will tell 
One More Time

It worries everyone if they see,

but the sweet release it gives.

One,

two,

three good swipes;

everything is right as rain again.

All stress,

all worries,

all thoughts,

erased with a few slices.

No one can know,

I don’t want that kind of attention.

Ignore me

so i can wither away

without making much of a scene.

Each slice is just bad energy escaping.

If not,

the toxic emotion would fester,

and i would rot from the inside out faster.

One more time.

Last of the night.

No.

Never mind.

There’s always more

— 4 weeks ago with 2 notes
#one more time  #cutting  #self harm  #suicidal  #emotion  #stress  #thoughts  #tension  #release  #poem 
Alcohol

Fix this tension inside of me.

Make me forget my worries.

Make me forget everything,

and kill me at the same time;

what a perfect mix for me.

It’s all pointless anyways,

it always was pointless.

No need for anymore attempts.

Predisposed for failure,

That’s always been the struggle.

But,

you,

make me feel fine.

like everything will be

okay, 

even if it won’t be.

A temporary fix,

but that will do.

— 4 weeks ago
#alcohol  #temporary  #struggle  #poem  #make me forget  #tense  #predisposed  #failure  #addiction  #coping 
Hospitals

Medical problems.

Who has the money for that?

I won’t do it,

unless i have to for something or someone else.

I hate those places.

So cold,

fake smiles,

false hope,

lost lives,

lost minds.

Once felt like a home,

not disgusts me to my core.

I want nothing to do with it.

And yet,

i am forced to,

and then the reason dies

right in front of my eyes.

It all does.

We all die.

Why not start not?

— 4 weeks ago with 1 note
#poem  #hospitals  #death  #medical  #problems  #hate  #mental hospitals  #forced 
Worthless

Useless

unable to work

unable to maintain.

what good am i?

Can’t do anything

or at least anything right.

Thrown to the side,

I’m sure things will work out; 

but until then,

what?

What do i need to do to survive?

I wasn’t ready for this,

it all came too fast,

I said i needed a few months,

but i rolled with it regardless.

Here i am,

failing and falling apart.

What good am i?

I just

wasn’t meant to be.

— 4 weeks ago
#useless  #worthless  #unable  #maintain  #can't do anything right  #pathetic  #wasn't meant to be 

"Not allowed."

Says who?

What i do doesn’t concern you;

your concern is your own doing.

I’m sorry if i can’t fully take your feelings into consideration,

but my doing is my own doing.

I will own up to the consequences.

I’ll suffer as much as i want. 

— 1 month ago with 1 note
#not allowed  #says who  #poem  #my own doing  #suffer  #your feelings  #i'm sorry 
Paranoid

Too afraid to leave the room,

so much noise,

so much talking.

It’s not real,

but it is.

Too afraid to stand near the window,

are they watching me from there?

They know my every action.

Am i being watched?

Too afraid to open up and ask for help,

they’ll all call me crazy.

But what’s real for some people

may not be real for others.

— 1 month ago with 2 notes
#poem  #paranoid  #crazy  #schizophrenia  #mental illness 
Snapping

Are they real this time?

Are they actually there?

It’s hard to tell…

I’ve lost my mind,

there’s no doubt about it.

Put me away,

no one wants me here like this.

I’ll be

kicked to the curb

without a single word.

Away i will go,

but where is that?

I can’t see the future

but can tell that it’s bad,

so i

get ready for the impact,

and see if i make it or maybe i don’t.

— 1 month ago with 1 note
#lost it  #poem  #Hallucinations  #schizophrenia  #mental hospital  #no one wants me  #are they real?  #snapping 
stuck

There’s that buzzing sound again.

It comes from deep inside my brain.

I can tune it out with music,

but muffling my ears,

makes them much more clear.

What torture it is,

constantly hearing something that’s not real.

They know what to say,

and how to say it,

to get me frozen in place.

— 1 month ago
#stuck  #poem  #voices  #hallucinations  #mental illnes  #schizophrenia  #torture 

anger surging through the body

stress constricts me

body taking it’s tole.

the mind needs to be soothed.

even with all the pain,

we’ll bring another bottle into the mix,

just because,

not a single fuck is given right now.

— 1 month ago with 1 note
#anger  #pain  #not a single fuck is given  #poem