Words n Shit

Make It Stop

These thoughts are affecting my day

these voices are affecting my mind

 and these delusions are affecting my life.

I wish so badly that they would stop

but there doesn’t seem to be a break any time soon…

dope me up

i do not care

stick an ice pick in my skull

i do not care

do whatever it takes

whatever it takes

to just make this all stop.

— 4 months ago with 1 note
#stop  #voices  #Hallucinations  #schizophrenia  #schizoaffective  #dope me up  #medication  #medicated  #help me  #make it stop  #poem 
I Am, Schizophrenia

You say everything I don’t want to hear.
You can tell when I’m weak, 
and you know when to strike.
You are in my head,
what are you?
Who are you?

— 6 months ago with 10 notes
#poem  #schizophrenia  #mental disorder  #what are you  #who are you  #i'm weak 

Where am i right now?

How did i get here?

What’s happening to me?

Why can’t i control this?

I don’t know how long i’ve been running,

but i don’t know where i am anymore.

I can’t turn back now,

i’ve gotten so far…

— 7 months ago
#how  #poem  #feelings  #overwhelmed  #can't turn back 
Living With It

Thinking right now is no easy task.

Too sped up from the drugs coursing through these veins,

so sped up that words just fumble and crash like getting a bad jump start.

Crawling feelings under the skin,

screaming and yelling deep in the ears,

live with the terror,

learn from it.

Then always make the mistake again,

just to be sure you’re not missing anything…

— 7 months ago with 3 notes
#relapse  #addiction  #poem  #meth  #sped up  #thoughts  #crashing  #mistake  #crawling  #meth bugs  #voices hallucinations 
Life Choices

Is this what you really want?

Letting someone else control where you go in life?

You’re in too deep at this point…

you just have to go with it and hope things change for the better.

So far anyways,

whenever YOU make decisions,

you always end up in a ditch gasping for air,

crying at your very existence. 

— 7 months ago with 1 note
#life  #choices  #moving  #in too deep  #poem  #crying  #depressed  #addicted  #life choices 
Yeah Right!

Pull one out the box.

Last time i promise…

Maybe.

Thoughts of quitting each buy.

Light.

Drag.

Exhale,

fixated on the curls that flow.

Quitting out of the question.

Vapor style already bought

only to use in home; in bed,

quick fix.

Thoughts of quitting out of mind.

But damn,

don’t i look cool?

Answer:

Hell yeah.

— 9 months ago with 4 notes
#quitting smoking  #quitting  #smoking  #cigarettes  #addiction  #poem  #don't i look cool?  #hell yeah  #malboro 

Blades slicing away

never missing a spot

they have you covered. 

— 9 months ago
#blades  #razer  #cutting  #depression  #poem 
Words

Words stain my mind,

made by myself along with others.

They itch as if a tattoo gone infected,

scratch and they bleed,

it’s madness.

No relief from any of it.

Not now,

not here,

not ever.

— 9 months ago
#words  #poem  #madness  #infected  #itch 

Alone

it’s so clear now…

It was ment to be,

all alone in this ditch.

Everyone just out of reach…

Alone here i sit…

Forever alone till the end.

— 9 months ago with 1 note
#alone  #poem  #depression  #forever alone  #ditch  #all alone 

Spilling everywhere

blood so red

blood so hot

stain the blade

stain the rug

spilling everywhere

you fade to black

— 9 months ago with 6 notes
#blood  #cutting  #depressed  #suicidal  #spilling  #blade  #poem 

bleeding through the heart,

black liquid bubbles.

broken from the inside out,

without the will to thrive.

the black hole of a mind sucks in all thoughts,

not a single one could be recognized, 

all torn and misshapen…

the light that was once there, 

in an eclipse.

the wait for it to pass lingers,

this painful wait,

why oh why does this hurt so much?

— 9 months ago with 1 note
#bleeding  #heart  #broken  #depressed  #suicidal  #eclipse  #no hope  #hurt  #poem 
em3na asked: dear your strong, you may have your days that are harder than others. ( we all do) but please know if you ever are in doubt.. I am proud of you<3 I hope you have a lovely day dear.


Answer:

:’) thank you hun…i was actually having a bad day today and this just helped it a little <3 thank you! you have a lovely day too!

— 9 months ago
It Happened Again

One more huff

maybe i’ll stop

maybe i’ll fall

maybe i wont

but maybe i will.

It’s hard to tell when this will stop.

But then again,

it’s hard to not.

— 10 months ago with 6 notes
#relapse  #addiction  #huffing  #inhalents  #drugs  #hard  #just one more  #poem 
Noise

The constant noise 

that’s in my head.

Confused with reality,

it can’t make up it’s mind.

Is it real

or is it just trying to scare me?

I guess I’ll never know.

Envision my escape

a few steps off a ledge.

No more pills

no more scars.

Permanent.

i’ll make that spot of pavement mine.

— 10 months ago with 6 notes
#noise  #suicidal  #voices in my head  #schizoaffective  #scare me  #suicide attempt  #poem 
Parents

they’re distracted by their politics.

i sit and self destruct.

maybe i hear them mention me,

but maybe that’s just the noise.

maybe i’ll find a way out tonight,

maybe i’ll find a new can to huff.

i feel myself start to wear down.

this year is going tough….

— 10 months ago with 1 note
#parents  #politics  #self destruct  #noise  #voices  #huffing  #poem